Sunday, April 13, 2008 - 10:01 PM

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To all my loyal readers..

I would like to say a big thank you to all those who showered me with all the support and encouragement over the past one month. All those who had been there for me are indeed my true friends, and will be my true friends for life.

Sad to say, I had went through several rough patches recently, and what I had been through all these while had really drained me out physically and mentally. All the silent cries I had alone, all the stress i faced and all the heart aching I suffered, had really changed my life.

Aside from my personal life, piles of stressful work were also draining me out. Imagine one person with barely any knowledge about the topic and was told to complete a 12 person group project, with highest expectations. Aside from WITS Project, I had been busy helping out with the closing of accounts for the FY 2007, had discussion with Director regarding Worldwide Police Force, prepared for director's meeting etc. With so much work and stress on me, I got no choice but to stayed back in office till 8pm or rushing the project at home till midnight. Mentally exhausted but at least I learnt a lot.

On a lighter note, I had enjoyed myself during my 8days holiday. Thx to Patricia and her family for bringing me around Hong Kong, Shenzhen and Macau. Aside from my holidays, I had also managed to catch up with few of my close friends and had some fun. As for those whom I had not catch up with, I believe we will soon, even though I am always busy at work. But I promised we will find time for one another soon.

Lastly, I really do not know what my future would be or what i would become, but I would like to reassure all my loved ones that I treasure and love you guys loads, and I will try my best to stay strong and live my life to the fullest and most important stay happy. Look forward in creating more happy memories with all of you.

Once again, a BIG THANK YOU.


Yours Sincerely,
Dixon
"Mr Thanks"




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As for you and i... (If you happen to read this)



I really do not know what's going on between us anymore. The harder i tried the more disappointment I get. Every now and then, I would try to find out how have you been doing, to see if you need a shoulder to lean on. But it seems you had many other potential ones whom you would choose over me.

Every time when I need you so badly, you were just not there for me. In the first place, it’s not me that expect too much from you, but it’s you who didn't even try. This shows how much I mean to you. Perhaps you might say there's no fate between us, but if it’s so, we wouldn't have started in the first place.

Perhaps it’s not your fault; it’s me who had not taken the first step earlier. Perhaps I could not satisfy what you are looking for in life. Perhaps I am not good enough for you. Perhaps I am fated to fall so deep for someone who doesn't love me at all.

It’s been 4 months since we last met. During these 4 months, I know you had your ups and downs too. When you are feeling down, I am not feeling good either. I was thinking so hard of how to help you, till the extent of willing to sacrifice my happiness in exchange for your happiness. It’s not the first time I am doing this, but even though no matter what I do, I know I couldn't open the lock to your heart.

When you are having fun, I have mixed feelings. Happy for you because the one I love most is doing well and living life to the fullest. Not feeling good is because I miss the happy memories we had and wonder why is it so difficult for us to spend more time together. And honestly, felt jealous at times.

We seem to have drifted far apart from one another. To you, it might not mean anything to you, but to me, it means so much. Just like that day when you saw me without me knowing, and I saw you without you knowing. My heart beats so fast, whole stomach filled with butterflies and mind totally went blank. My first reaction was I thought I could turn away and treat it as nothing has happened, but I realize I couldn't. I wanted you so badly, with only one reason and that is I still love you.

Yesterday as I was watching movie, my tears flowed continuously. Yes, the movie was indeed touching, but actually the main reason was because I miss you, I miss the happy moments, I miss having you by my side. I thought I had moved on, but deep in my heart, I have not.

Do you know why I’m still holding on to you even though I know you had moved on?

The answer is because no one can replace the love and happiness you had given me. And you, whom I love most, is still the same since the first day I know you, who can make me the happiest person on earth. You had inspired and motivated me to live my life to the fullest. No matter how happy I am now, my life still seems quite empty without you.



Italy, I am right here waiting for you.




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[;n0stalgIa-n0xiD]